What does it mean when a guy cancels last minute?

RelationshipsHeres What To Say When A Date Bails On YouGive them the benefit of the doubt if you still want to meet up.By Kristine FellizarUpdated:June 3, 2021Originally Published:

What does it mean when a guy cancels last minute?

Relationships

Heres What To Say When A Date Bails On You

Give them the benefit of the doubt if you still want to meet up.By Kristine FellizarUpdated:June 3, 2021Originally Published:Sep. 26, 2019

The best response to a cancelled date is to thank them for informing you and leave the ball in their...

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If youve spent hours going back on forth about which outfit youre going to wear, or took time to get into the right mindset for your date, the last thing you want to see is a text on the day of telling you that your plans have been cancelled. When this happens, its totally normal to feel bummed out, mad, confused, or disappointed. While you know you should say something back, it can be tough to figure out exactly how to respond to a cancelled date. And according to experts, the way you answer will determine whether you'll end up actually going out with them or not.

"Every situation is different," Laurie Berzack, MSW, matchmaker and dating coach, tells Bustle. "Whether it's a first date or you've already been out a few times, you should always take a cancelled date at face value, approach it with kindness, and don't take it personally."

As Nancy Ruth, breakup coach and relationship expert tells Bustle, "In an app-dating world, date cancelations happen all the time; maybe they genuinely were sick, or had a work meeting come up. You may have previously been cancelled on and assumed this person is doing the same, but that can jeopardize relationship potential if we paint everyone with the same brush."

If youre struggling to figure out what to say back, go with your gut, and answer in a way that aligns with what youre looking for. Below, youll find the best responses to a cancelled date.

If you don't know how to respond to a cancelled date, try thanking them for making the effort.

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"Thanks For Letting Me Know."

Sure it's disappointing to have plans fall through, but its better than leaving you hanging. "In a culture of ghosting, I think it's admirable for someone to communicate their intention to cancel a date, rather than leaving them alone at a restaurant," Emily L. Depasse, sex and relationship expert, tells Bustle.

Thanking them for making the effort can leave things on a good note, especially if youre not sure you want to reschedule plans just yet. If you do decide to talk again, itll help pick up where you left off.

"I Understand. Let Me Know When You're Available To Reschedule."

If you still want to go out with them, make it known. There's no need to make new plans right away  just let them know you're interested in rescheduling and leave it at that.

"Don't go into full tailspin mode of why the person dipped out on you," Caroline Madden, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. Just send them that one text and leave it be. There's no need to follow-up. If they get back to you, great. If not, move on for now. More often than not, when someone's interested, they will make a move to reschedule.

It Happens. If Youre Interested, Lets Check Out That New Restaurant On Sunday Instead.

If youre looking to salvage cancelled plans, this is the text to send, Holly Schiff, Psy.D., licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Its also the best response to a cancelled date that was set for a specific time, like a concert or a one-night only event. With this message, youll be showing interest in seeing them and offering an alternative plan for another day.

Schiff says not to take a cancelled date too personally. But it is important to be understanding, not too inquisitive, and to figure out if they are interested in rescheduling, Schiff says.

The best response to a cancelled date? Let them know you're fine with it and wish them well.

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No Worries! I Have A Lot Going On This Week, But Maybe We Can Catch Up Next Weekend. Have A Great Night!

Sending this type of text lets the person know that youre fine with the cancellation, and you wish them well. According to Schiff, it also gives them the impression that your life is full, and you wont be sitting around waiting for them to call and make new plans.

Its OK to play a little hard to get, she says. Just be sure to make other plans to go out and do something. It may even give you something interesting to chat about when you and that person eventually meet up for a date.

Hopefully We Can Get Together Soon! Let Me Know When You Want To Reschedule.

This text is another simple way to show interest and leave the ball in the other persons court. According to Michelle Mouhtis, licensed therapist and relationship coach, if they cancelled due to a genuine conflict, theyll be sure to put a new date on the calendar. But, if they respond back with a Will do! just wait it out and give them an opportunity to respond with another date.

There is a chance that you may never hear from them again. They may not have been that interested and didnt know how to say it, or something else just came up, Mouhtis says. View rejection as redirection and dodging a bullet  because you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Thats Too Bad. I Was Looking Forward To Meeting You, But Totally Understand!

Keep in mind that how you respond will depend on the length of your relationship with the person and what your dynamic is like. For instance, if its a first date, a short casual response will do. Indicate that you're disappointed but understand why they need to cancel, and leave the ball in their court for rescheduling, Dr. Isabelle Morley, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle.

In the early days, consider giving your date the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people need to reschedule dates even if they were really excited for them, Morley says. This early rupture in your budding relationship will be an indicator of how you treat people when it comes to respecting their time and being flexible with their needs. But, on the off chance that the person is just trying to ditch you, then leaving them the work of setting up a new date will prevent you from feeling hurt if they dodge your attempt to reschedule.

Thanks For Letting Me Know. Hope Everything Is OK.

Regardless of someones reasons for wanting to cancel a date, be gracious in your response. If someones dealing with an emergency, dont bombard them with questions.

Clinical psychologist, Arian S. Elfant, Ph.D., suggests letting them know that you appreciate being informed and that you hope everything is OK. If you want to reschedule, its fine to put that out there, too. Theyll reach out to you when theyre ready. And if not, its good to find out before you get too invested. The cancellation was a favor, Elfant says. Time to move on.

If you're not sure how to respond to cancelled date, make it direct and see when they want to resche...

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When Do You Want To Reschedule?

If someone youve been talking to seems genuinely bummed out that they cant make your date, be direct. The point is to make your text actionable and set a new date, in order to not lose the momentum that you guys already created, eharmonys relationship expert, Laurel House, tells Bustle. Dont act angry, insecure, or offended. Always imagine that you are in their shoes and think about how you would want them to respond to you.

I Get That You Have A Work Thing, But You Cancel Pretty Often, And Its Disappointing. I Was Excited To Finally See You Tonight.

This is the type of response you can use if youve been seeing someone for a while and this isnt the first time theyve bailed on you. Communicate your feelings and set some expectations, Morley says.

It can hurt to have someone cancel a date, especially if it's last minute, she says. A person who does it repeatedly is subtly indicating that the date wasn't important to them. Gently calling them out on their behavior and letting them know how it makes you feel is a good first step towards having this conversation with them. If it keeps happening, you may want to reconsider this person as a serious partner.

This Keeps Happening. Maybe Now Isnt The Best Time For Us To Be Dating. Im Looking For Someone Whos Ready To Make Me A Priority In Their Life.

This is the type of text youd send once youve had the conversation about their behavior and nothing has changed. As Jodie Milton, relationship and intimacy coach, tells Bustle, this is about expressing your genuine feelings and letting your partner know how their behavior has affected you. Its not about making them feel bad, Milton says. Its about helping them to understand the consequences of their actions while upholding your own standards for how youd like to be treated. If they dont make a serious attempt to change, you can always decide to walk away.

How To Deal When Someone Cancels A Date

It's easy to get down about yourself after a cancelled date. If youre someone who takes things personally, it can be hard to break out of a negative mindset. But shifting your outlook to one thats more positive can help you through the many ups and downs of dating.

Its all a matter of taste, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author, tells Bustle. I like to use this metaphor: Imagine that youre ordering ice cream and you have 20 flavors to choose from. The fact that you choose chocolate chip doesnt make the other flavors bad or undesirable. It simply means that on that day you wanted chocolate chip. Dating is much the same  there are a lot of flavors of people out there, and if someone isnt drawn to your awesome flavor  imagine you are chocolate raspberry swirl  they are missing out.

If you notice negative thoughts popping into your head, practice self-care. "This is an opportunity for you to pay attention to your limiting beliefs around love and worthiness," Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle. "Learn to validate your own worth, and youll be ready for a partner who validates it, too."

Experts

Laurie Berzack, MSW, matchmaker and dating coach

Nancy Ruth, breakup coach and relationship expert

Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist

Emily L. Depasse, sex and relationship expert

Caroline Madden, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist

Holly Schiff, Psy.D., licensed clinical psychologist

Dr. Isabelle Morley, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist

Arian S. Elfant, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of upcoming book, Date Smart

Laurel House, eharmonys relationship expert

Michelle Mouhtis, licensed therapist and relationship coachMore like this

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This article was originally published on Sep. 26, 2019

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