How to deal with failure wikihow

Co-authored by Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed. Last Updated: June 22, 2021 References X This article was co-authored by Alexander R

How to deal with failure wikihow

Co-authored by Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed.

Last Updated: June 22, 2021 References     X

This article was co-authored by Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed.. Alexander Ruiz is an Educational Consultant and the Educational Director of Link Educational Institute, a tutoring business based in Claremont, California that provides customizable educational plans, subject and test prep tutoring, and college application consulting. With over a decade and a half of experience in the education industry, Alexander coaches students to increase their self-awareness and emotional intelligence while achieving skills and the goal of achieving skills and higher education. He holds a BA in Psychology from Florida International University and an MA in Education from Georgia Southern University.

There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 4,640 times.

Youve probably learned that failure is a necessary ingredient for success. Yet, many parents, teachers, and coaches often involuntarily send the message to kids that failure is the enemy. With some children, such messages drive them to work harder. With others, it can result in them never trying anything new or challenging because they fear failing. Help your kids acknowledge the value of failure by reframing how you view it, promoting autonomy, and developing the skills to bounce back after setbacks.

Steps

Method 1Method 1 of 3:Reframing Failure

1Redefine failure as a "learning opportunity." Change the meaning of the word failure in your familys vocabulary. Describe such situations as learning opportunities instead. This helps you use setbacks as teachable moments. Over time, your child will stop viewing failure negatively and look for the lesson.[1] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source

  • When you child makes an unsuccessful attempt ask them what they learned. For example, they screw up in the spelling bee and get disqualified. You might say, "I can see this is upsetting for you, but how can you use what youve learned to improve for the next competition?"
  • Also, make sure that you emphasize their progress. This will help them to see that they are improving even if they did not accomplish their goal. For example, you might say something like, "I know you didn't win the competition, but look at how much further you got than last time!"

2Challenge them to take more risks. Failure is never a waste of time when it challenges a person to go beyond their comfort zone. Create a fun challenge with your kids to use mistakes as stepping stones. Make this fun and interactive.[2] X Trustworthy Source Edutopia Educational nonprofit organization focused on encouraging and celebrating classroom innovation Go to source

  • Develop a weekly check-in time (maybe at dinner every Friday). Have everyone go around the table and share a challenging situation that they failed at. You might even give stickers or rewards for the "biggest failure" each week.
  • Your kids might say, "I tried out for the baseball team although Ive never played the sport" or "I asked the new girl at my high school out on a date and she turned me down."
  • This check-in should be met with encouragement for the risks everyone took that week. Then, go back to the drawing board and remind everyone to fail even bigger next week.

3Use entertainment to drive home points. Many families connect over exciting movies and TV shows. If you want to help your kids see the lesson in failures, use their favorite forms of entertainment as a reference. You might sit down for an evening of TV and watch for situations when the characters made mistakes and learned from them.

  • Start a conversation by saying, "Billy failed his English essay, but how did he try to fix the mistake?" Your kids might reply, "He went to tutoring. He asked for an extra credit assignment. And he didnt try to hide it from his momhe just came out and told her upfront."
  • You can also mention your own experiences with failure. For example, you might say something like, I struggled with math in middle school, but I studied hard and, by the time I was in high school, I was in the advanced class."

4Give them opportunities to fail. Its in an adults nature to protect children. Your desire to protect, however, could be reinforcing learned helplessness. Dont teach your kids that thats "too hard" or youre "too little." Let them take a stab at challenging activities to build self-efficacy.

  • If you see your kid trying to do something thats above their skill or developmental level, encourage them as long as its safe. For instance, if your young daughter tries to learn how to ride her bike without training wheels, say, "Youre so brave, sweetie. Lets try this" instead of "Oh, dont you think you should wait until youre bigger?"
  • Let them take on challenges, and just be there to offer support if they miss the mark. Its all a part of growing up.[3] X Research source Go to source
  1. 5Be sure to celebrate risk-taking now and then as well as taking on challenges and working hard to accomplish a goal. Avoid rewarding successful performance only.

ADVERTISEMENT Premium CBD Products That Actually Work

Because Feeling Better Is Everything

At FOCL, we set the standard in wellness by using premium organic CBD, powerful adaptogens, and calming botanicalsproviding relief for your body and mind. Free shipping and 25% off using code "wiki25"! SHOP NOW

Method 2Method 2 of 3:Raising an Autonomous Problem-Solver

1Encourage them to adopt a learners mindset. Children can naturally develop the ability to learn from failure when you constantly expose them to new things. The more new things they try, they begin to learn that taking risks doesnt have to end in disaster.[4] X Research source Go to source

  • Always help your children search for new skills to acquire or new perspectives to consider. Read books. Get acquainted with new cultures.

2Allow them to brainstorm solutions on their own. You may want to rush and fix every problem your child encounter, but they are much better off when they have the opportunity to try on their own first. Give your child the chance to consider options and think of a solution without your help.

  • Let's say your child has a fight with a friend. They may ask you how they should handle it. Give them the chance to figure it out for themselves first by saying, "I'll be happy to offer you some advice, but I want you to try to solve this on your own first. What do you think is the best way to make things better?"[5] X Research source Go to source

3Help them assess feedback and use it to their advantage. When a teacher, coach or parent offers constructive criticism, many children focus solely on the negatives. Help your child learn to weed out the helpful nuggets found in criticism and take positive action towards improving in the given area.

  • For example, your son comes home and says, "Coach told me I will have to sit out the next game because Im not working as a part of a team." You might say, "I know that must be frustrating for you, dear. But lets try to use his feedback to help you get better. What can you do to become a team player?"[6] X Research source Go to source
  • Encourage your child to think about why the person might be giving them constructive criticism as well. Seeing that the person may be doing so out of a desire to help them or out of love for them may also help your child to use the feedback in a constructive way.

Method 3Method 3 of 3:Promoting Resilience

1Set realistic expectations. Life is full of disappointments, but kids wont take them so hard when parents start out with realistic expectations. Setting the bar unreasonably high can promote perfectionism, or worse, cause your child to avoid new challenges altogether. Be sure to communicate that you expect your children to do their best, not that they must always be #1.[7] X Research source Go to source

  • If you are not sure about is normal for children in your childs age group, try talking with other parents or talk with a mental health professional. You can also read books or check online for information.
  • Set a rule in your household that everyone should always attempt to be better than the person they were the day before. This is a realistic way to encourage kids to strive without overly focusing on extreme successes.
  • For example, it may be unrealistic to expect all your kids to be straight-A students. Instead hold each of them up to their personal best. Examine past report cards, and challenge them to improve from where they were before. Challenge them to find useful ways of becoming better like getting a tutor or downloading software to help them practice academic skills.

2Validate their emotions. Oftentimes when kids face failure, adults move quickly into problem-solving without being sensitive to their feelings. Show empathy for your kids by acknowledging the emotional experience they are going through.

  • You might say, "Jason, I can see that you are deeply hurt that you didnt get the lead role in the school play. Im sorry that this is happening to you. Do you want to talk about it?"
  • After you have validated their emotions, it may also be helpful to suggest activities that may help them to deal with disappointment, such as watching a funny movie, hanging out with friends and/or family, or taking some time to be alone.

3Balance constructive criticism with praise. When parents and teachers are constantly berating kids about what theyve done wrong, its easy to develop the notion that not always being right makes you a bad person. Aim to have more positive interactions with kids than negative ones. If you must be hard on a child, acknowledge their strengths in the same discussion.[8] X Research source Go to source

  • Dont shame your children for making mistakes. Instead sandwich any feedback between two positive statements. For instance, you might say to your daughter, "You must be upset about your test scores. You are so bright. I think if you study on the mathematics portion a bit more, youll do well next time. I love you and Im proud of your effort so far."

4Model a foundation of self-love. Dealing with disappointments is hard for adults, too. Be a good sport when you fail and set an example for your children. Dont engage in self-pity or best yourself up. Be kind to yourself and demonstrate your faith that things will get better.

  • Remind kids to treat themselves as they would a friend. When kids have compassion for themselves, they are less likely to get caught up in mistakes. Plus, self-compassion builds stronger resilience for future setbacks.[9] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source

5See a therapist if failure causes anxiety or fear. Some kids have a tough time leaving their comfort zones. If your child struggles with social anxiety or have an extreme fear of change, a professional therapist can help.[10] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source

  • Your child may be struggling with an undiagnosed  anxiety disorder. With therapy and gradual exposure to feared activities, they can learn to expand their horizons and take more risks.

Community Q&A

  • Question How can I help my kids take better notes at school?

Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed. Educational Consultant Expert Answer if they're struggling to get all of the information they need, talk to their teachers about letting them record their classes. This way, your children can review their notes after school is over while listening to the recordings and fill in anything they missed.

References

  1. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-learn-to-fail/
  2. https://www.edutopia.org/blog/learning-from-failure-ainissa-ramirez
  3. https://www.brighthorizons.com/family-resources/e-family-news/2013-the-importance-of-mistakes-helping-children-learn-from-failure/
  4. http://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/failure-is-an-option/
  5. https://www.brighthorizons.com/family-resources/e-family-news/2013-the-importance-of-mistakes-helping-children-learn-from-failure/
  6. http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/05/06/476884049/how-to-teach-children-that-failure-is-the-secret-to-success
  7. http://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/failure-is-an-option/
  8. https://www.pgeveryday.com/family/activities/article/teaching-children-to-learn-from-failure
  9. https://hbr.org/2017/01/to-recover-from-failure-try-some-self-compassionMore References (1)
  10. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-learn-to-fail/

About this article

Co-authored by: Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed. Educational Consultant This article was co-authored by Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed.. Alexander Ruiz is an Educational Consultant and the Educational Director of Link Educational Institute, a tutoring business based in Claremont, California that provides customizable educational plans, subject and test prep tutoring, and college application consulting. With over a decade and a half of experience in the education industry, Alexander coaches students to increase their self-awareness and emotional intelligence while achieving skills and the goal of achieving skills and higher education. He holds a BA in Psychology from Florida International University and an MA in Education from Georgia Southern University.  This article has been viewed 4,640 times.

  • Print Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 4,640 times.

Did this article help you? Yes No  Thanks for sharing feedback!  Read more articles like this one. Thanks for sharing feedback!  Read more articles like this one. We're sorry this article wasnt helpful. Here are some similar articles that might be more helpful to you. We're sorry this article wasnt helpful. Here are some similar articles that might be more helpful to you.

Video liên quan